Twilight, Edward Cullen, the whole Vampire baloney

A few thoughts about TWILIGHT, EDWARD CULLEN, and the entire vampire baloney

1. Vegetarian vampires? Really??

So, the Cullens have decided to be vegetarians going against their natural preferred food. Really?? What for? Can’t be because they all went and got religion right? It would be the ultimate in irony if that were the case. Even Edward mentioned that he was going to hell anyway, whatever he does. Even if he didn’t eat / kill a single human, he’d still be going to hell right? He’s a damned soul right? Do they believe in Christianity then? Because hell is a concept of Christianity. It can’t be because of any moral issues because clearly they don’t mind to harm other humans when provoked. An act of conscience then? Sort of like when Jerry Maguire woke up one day and decided that his company takes advantage of other people? Really? We’re supposed to believe that the Cullens have conscience? So they don’t mind to kill innocent animals but hesitate to kill humans? Is there really such a big difference in their eyes? The most plausible explanation would be that since Carlyle is a doctor, then he knows that its very difficult to find untainted human blood. Untainted by all sorts of diseases such as HIV, hepatitis, herpes, and probably smallpox vaccines. All of which must taste yucky. I mean, if you can get HIV from having unprotected sex, what more if you actually drink the tainted blood? Perhaps the best thing the Cullens should do would be to spearhead a worldwide AIDS awareness campaign, if only to protect their food source.

2. Was running away a smart move?

Clearly the Cullens have shown some stupidity. When faced with an enemy whom they know is a relentless tracker, one that would stop at nothing to get what he wants, they chose to run away and hide Bella. Was that smart? Really? I mean, it’s not as if James has anything better on his plate right? What were they thinking? That they can hide Bella forever? That James will just give up because he can’t find her at Forks? They already had a formidable majority of 5 to 3. Later, it became 5 to 2 when Leroy backed out, a clear advantage. Yet they chose to break it apart, leave their home base, and let James cut their advantage down to 2 to 1. D-U-H!! What they should have done was stay at home and set a trap for James. At least they would have had the added advantage of defending the fort. Think back for a minute to the times of castles and sieges or even back to the time of Troy. The advantage always belongs to the defender. Oh and i would suppose that while they were keeping Bella in a hotel room, the LEAST they could have done was to train her for self-defense. I mean, they were just hanging round for hours waiting for Edward to call right? Didn’t they even think to teach Bella how to kill vampires? Not even to provide her a gun with silver bullets? Holy Water? A crossbow? Wooden stakes? At the very least ask her to eat a lot of garlic and wear them as well? Or better yet, why not hide Bella in a church (which is sacred ground) instead of at a 5-star hotel? I mean, of course the toilet wouldn’t be as nice, but at least that’s one place James can’t enter. But noooo, all they did was watch TV!! Tsk Tsk, .... really unsmart..

3. How boring can your life get?

On the wall in their home, the Cullens have collected hundreds of diplomas representing their numerous high-school graduations over the centuries. A private joke, Edward said. But think about it, they could do almost anything and they chose to go to school for hundreds of years? And study the same thing over and over again? At some point, wouldn’t they get really really bored by it? If you can live forever, would you spend forever doing one thing over and over and over again? I mean, isn’t there anything AT ALL more exciting than going to high school for 100 years? Like maybe solving all of life’s greatest mysteries? Maybe diving to the bottom of the ocean, or becoming a super-Indiana Jones type of guy and finding lost treasures? Maybe climbing Mount Everest? Maybe even playing basketball and becoming the most dominant player since Michael Jordan. I mean, wouldn’t THAT be more exciting than arithmetic, reading, and writing? Sheesh...even if they were trying to pretend to live normal lives, they could AT LEAST do it while having fun rather than choosing boredom. It’s not as if they get to meet new friends in high school since they always keep to themselves. And since they play a mean game of baseball...well they could at least play professionally couldn’t they?

4. Not needing to sleep.

Imagine, you can live forever, do anything you want, and you don’t even need to eat or sleep or use the toilet. Man! If you count the number of hours a normal person spends eating, sleeping, toileting, and preparing for all three, it’ll be like half a day already. So, without needing to do any of those stuff, you’d literally have the entire 24 hours of EACH DAY do to anything you want. If you could do that, wouldn’t you spend it doing something a little more exciting or productive than say...watching a person sleep? I mean, you could be a call center agent, go to the casinos and play for 5 days straight and try to beat the house. Definitely you’d win every hand in poker if you can read people’s thoughts. Become the world-poker champion and win millions!! Establish a world record for the most number of times you can blink your eyes continuously without yawning. Become BATMAN and fight bad guys at night. Be a real hero. Rather than a dumbass pervert peeping tom.

5. If they really had a conscience.

If they really HAD a conscience, and if Dr. Cullen was really smart, he’d quit being a doctor and spend his life researching cures for mankind’s worst diseases. I mean, i’m sure he can save a life or two every now and then when he’s in the hospital. But wouldn’t he be able to save MILLIONS if he spends his time more wisely by finding a cure for AIDS? That would solve his food problem at the same time too. While others need to eat and rest, he can work like a machine non-stop. He’d have found a cure for every known disease by now if he put his mind to it. Oh and do they really have to stop drinking human blood? Why can’t he just buy blood for a blood bank? He’s in the hospital, they have plenty of blood there. No one has to die for him to eat right? He can even pay people for their blood. In these tough economic times, surely plenty of people would be willing to sell a pint of blood (which will be replenished anyway in a few hours) for some cash. Then the Cullens would be helping the economy AND eating well too. Not a bad deal if they just take the effort to think.